Either mentioning fewer details with more explanations or mentioning more details with fewer explanations will negatively influence your essay.
She began with chaos. What the author could improve This applicant has written a well-crafted, humorous essay, but his personality does not come through as much as it could.
So, what are you like? So the author would need to free up some space in order to better showcase his personality and add examples and anecdotes to successfully illustrate it. He also includes plenty of details, which are very important when you are describing yourself to an admissions committee that needs to understand what differentiates you from thousands of other applicants.
I would like to compare my personality to the ocean — it has its ebb and flow, its crests and trenches, but one can always expect it to return to its natural gentle state.
The response called for a short answer, and given the limited space requirement, the author has managed to fit a lot of different facts about himself in a short paragraph. Are you an interesting and intelligent person?
As you can see, I am very open and approachable.
This essay is an excellent example of an instance in which the author needs to do a little more in the way of showing. He might offer some examples or anecdotes to illustrate how being an only child has shaped him and how it will define his experience at Stanford.
That along with her SAT and perfect grades.